< Love, Keyness and Impending Marriage

Love, Keyness and Impending Marriage

By Ariel Dawn

Summary: Coming to the end of the series

Disclaimer: Joss owns ‘em, I just play.

Author’s note: Some dialogue taken from Dirty girls. Once again, fabulous thanks to the great and wonderful Bloodytearsoflife!


Chapter 30: Happily ever after

They’d just gone through the fifth watching of the ‘incident‘, this time with commentary from both Giles and Spike, two weeks later, when Buffy came into the living room, clutching the phone and smiling like she just found out that Payless was having a sale.

“Faith’s out of jail,” Buffy noted. “I have to get another bride’s maid dress. Willow’s picking Faith up from jail.”

Dawn looked away from the TV and at her sister. “How did Faith get out of jail? Did she break out?”

“Parole for good behaviour,” Buffy explained. “Also, she said that the military is trying to recruit her.”

“Hideous experimentation,” Anya chimed in, before looking at Dawn. “You should talk to your boyfriend and ask if they are planning on doing experiments on her.”

Dawn blushed. “He’s not my boyfriend anymore. We broke up.”

“Right,” Anya noted, with disbelief.

“Didn’t she try to kill you?” Molly asked from her place beside Dawn on the couch. “Why are you making her a bride’s maid?”

“You’re just jealous you aren’t a bride’s maid,” Anya taunted the slayer.

“I’m a freakin’ usher!” Molly.

“Only ‘cause you get to deal with the best man…” Anya continued.

“I think it’s just wrong that the best man is a woman, a vampire, and the mother of the groom…it’s weird,” Molly countered.

“Oy!” Spike complained. “It’s my wedding!”


Spike tackled the blond vampire he’d been pursuing on the night’s patrol with precision only to have someone pick him up and throw him into the nearest tombstone. Spike picked himself up from the ground and brushed himself off.

“Whatcha wanna do to her, vamp?” a brunette with attitude taunted him, circling around him. “Huh? Somethin’ like this?” she asked, punching him.

Spike stood up again staring at this girl who thought she was all that. “Nice punch you got there. Lemme guess. Leather pants, nice right cross, doe eyes, holier than thou glower, you must be Faith.”

The brunette smiled. “Oh goodie. I’m famous.”

“Was told you were coming. Bit of a misunderstanding here. I’m…”

“Spike,” Faith explained. “Yeah, we’ve met before.”

“We have? I don’t think we…” Spike was cut off by another kick to the torso. “Bloody hell! What’re you doing? I’m on your side!”

“Yeah, maybe you haven’t heard. I’ve reformed,” Faith continued, punching Spike.

“So have I,” he retorted with a punch to her face. “I reformed way before you did.”

Faith punched him again.

“Stop, hitting me! We’re on the same side!”

“Please, you think I’m stupid?”

“Well, yeah!” Spike said grinning.

“You were attaching that girl!” Faith noted, punching Spike again, only to be stopped by a punch to her face.

“Sorry, Faith, I didn’t realise that was you,” Buffy said innocently.

“It’s alright, B. Luckily, you still punch like you used to.”

Buffy glared at her future maid of honour for a moment then turned to her mate. “ You okay?”

“Yeah, terrific,” the blond vampire replied.

“Are you protecting vampire? Are you the bad slayer now? Am I the good slayer now?”

“He’s with me. He’s the groom.”

“No, no, the invitation said you were marrying William Darlington,” said Faith confused.

“That would be me. William ‘the Bloody’ Darlington,” Spike explained.

“Okay, well, setting aside for the moment that you are marrying Spike. If he’s so good, what’s he doing chasing down defenceless…”

That was when Faith was knocked down by the blond vampire that Spike had been chasing earlier.

“That’s one of the bad guys,” Buffy noted.

“You should make ‘em wear a sign,” Faith complained, taking a stake from Buffy and staking the vampire. “Okay, catching up. Anything else I gotta know?”

“Glad to have you back,” Buffy said giving Faith a hug. “How do you feel about red?”


Molly, Buffy, Faith, and Spike entered 1630 Revello Drive to be greeted by a gaggle of Scoobies.

“Whoa. Memory Lane. Same old house,” Faith commented, stepping over the threshold.

“Yeah, well, every piece of furniture’s been destroyed and replaced since you left so, actually, new house,” Buffy noted. “Right introductions,” Buffy continued leading Faith into the living room. “You know Dawn, Xander, Willow, and Giles. You met Molly on the way. This is Nate, Molly’s watcher, and there’s Tara, Willow’s girlfriend…”

“We’ve met,” Faith observed.

“The body switch,” said Tara, nodding.

“And then there’s Amy,’ Buffy continued.

“I was a rat when you were around last time,” Amy explained.

Faith nodded, as if trying to understand.

“And Anya, Giles’ girlfriend, and a vengeance demon.”

“Please don’t slay me,” Anya said. “I’m the bride’s maid in charge of events that Dawn can’t plan ‘cause she’s underage.”

“And Andrew.”

Andrew waved. “Hello dark slayer on the path to redemption,” commented the nerd.

“Oh my god, please stop that!” Dawn yelled. “Ignore him please.”

“Yes,” said Anya, “it works better if you ignore the nerd. And you are just in time to attend Buffy’s bachelorette tomorrow night!”


Faith stalked out into the night but stopped no further than the porch, taking a cigarette out of her jean jacket and lighting up. She’d been in the house with all that oestrogen for far too long. Buffy’s bachelorette party was taxing to anyone with enhanced senses. She was surprised that Buffy and Molly could deal with it all.

“You craving a moment alone in the dark or can I bum one?” Spike asked from his position on the porch swing.

“Well I guess you can smoke all you want, the big C not really an issue,” she said, handing a cigarette to the vampire. “Course that is, if the Mrs. lets you smoke. “

“Just not in the house,” Spike nodded lighting up. “It doesn’t sound like it’s anywhere near over in there,” he said, meaning the party going on in the house.

“They’ve been spazzing for like hours.”

“Has the ‘Wonder Schlong’ been up yet?”

“Oh, been and gone. I’ve seen bigger.”

“I bet you have,” Spike said chuckling.

“I’ve met you before, you know,” Faith started.

“Yeah, yeah you made a great impression on my chin.”

“Not in the grave yard. Before that. I was kinda wearing a different body.”


“You seemed okay with it,” Faith chuckled.

“The body swap. With Buffy,” Spike answered, his head tilted to the side, understanding evident in his eyes.

“She fill you in on that whole deal?”

“She told me it went down. Failed to mention who was driving her skin around.”

“I may have said a few things…”

“Like you could ride me at a full gallop ‘til my knees buckle, squeeze me ‘til I pop like warm champagne. That’s not the kind of thing a man forgets.”

“Should have known it wasn’t blondie behind the wheel. She’d never throw down like that. You probably get missionary twice a week.”

“Oh you have been away,” Spike laughed blowing out the smoke from his lungs.


“Yeah,” came Buffy’s voice from the door. “It’s nice to see you two getting along so well.” She sounded a little annoyed.

“Yeah, you know all the cool vampires.”

“That I do,” Buffy commented. “Spike? I just sat through five strippers and have been gifted four new sex toys…”

Spike slapped his legs as he stood up. “Duty calls,” Spike said to Faith as he passed her on the way to the door.

“Faith?” Buffy asked grabbing Spike’s hand. “If you hear screaming? It’s just me.”


The day of the wedding was bright and cheery with birds singing and the sun shining brightly.

“Shut up!” Buffy moaned at the birds, pulling her pillow over her head.

Buffy felt a tug at her foot, fingers that were not exactly warm. She inched her foot away. She felt those same fingers on her foot again. This time they were decidedly frigid. Buffy struck back with a kick.

Buffy did not expect a girly scream from the person attached to those fingers.

Blinking, Buffy sat up and noticed that it wasn’t Spike that had been touching her foot, but her sister, who was now soaked in water, ice water, Buffy inferred.

“You couldn’t just wake me up in a normal, sane way?” Buffy muttered. “I half expected breakfast in bed, I’m getting married today you know!”

Dawn’s horrified look left her face and suddenly there was dancing.

“Buffy’s getting married, Buffy’s getting married!”

Buffy groaned, and dropped her head down into her soft, soft pillow, even as yet more people barged into her room. Her head was swimming in a headachy fog, and she really felt like she was going to yak.

“Is she up yet?” Buffy heard Willow’s voice. “It’s like 11 am already! We have hair appointments in half an hour.”

“Someone gave her a lot to drink last night!” Dawn complained.

“I didn’t force her to drink!” Anya complained. “I was only in charge of the festivities.”

“I still say that it wasn’t a good idea to have the bachelorette party the night before the wedding!” Dawn complained. “And now she’s fallen back asleep again!”

“I got this one,” Faith’s voice said assuredly. “B, if you don’t get your ass out of bed I’m gonna have me another one of your men. It’s been a real long incarceration, if you know what I mean.”

Buffy laughed through her pillow. “Spike wouldn’t touch you with a ten foot pole.” Slowly, Buffy sat up again. “Someone roll me to the bathroom please? Before I yak on you all.”

“Ewwww!” recoiled the assembled bride’s maids.


It had taken a total of 5 diet cokes, and the threat of being burned with a curling iron to get Buffy up right, somewhat dressed and out the door to the hair dresser’s.

“Remind me never to drink that much ever again,” Buffy whispered to her sister in the chair beside her.

“You’re the one with super powers, can’t you just make the hang over go away?” Dawn asked.

“I wish!” Buffy grumbled.

“Oh you deserve this hang over, I’m not getting you out of this one. Now, if you had made me Maid of Honour…” piped up Anya.

“Get over it!” Dawn exclaimed.

Buffy sighed as the hair dresser pushed yet another pin into her head. She was starting to regret getting an up do. She was 123 years old, and about to get married for the eighth time, this time she knew it was going to last. All the others had been mere substitutes for Spike. But, once again, she’d gotten hammered the night before getting married. She’d always thought that she’d done it as a sort of subliminal wake up call that the marriage wouldn’t work out.

She didn’t feel that way today. In fact, as clearly as she remembered her last wedding, she knew that this was in every way different. She had no regrets. She had anticipated every contingency, from an attack by the watcher’s council to the hunger pangs of the guests. No, everything was perfect.

Well, everything except her hair.

“Okay people, I’ve changed my mind. I want hair down!” she called out, startling the woman behind her.

“But we’ve already…”

Buffy held up a hand. “No complaints, I was awoken by an ice cold hand on my foot. I am the bride, and it’s my day!” Buffy smiled back at the hair dresser, who was glaring at her in the mirror. Buffy then leaned over to her sister. “And if you want to invite Graham to the reception, that’s okay by me,” she whispered.

Dawn turned her head sharply. “We broke up.”

“You had sex in Anya’s room. You aren’t really broken up.”

Dawn’s eyes went wide. “Does everyone know?” she said, her face turning red.

Willow leaned closer to Dawn from her side of the Key. “Yes, everyone knows. Anya can’t keep a secret. You know that.”

“I don’t think Andrew knows…” Buffy continued reassuringly.

“ Like that makes me feel loads better.”


It was with a sigh of relief that Buffy saw her sister take the dance floor with Graham at the wedding reception. They looked right together, even if he was still part of the military, and Dawn was still legally only sixteen.

Buffy snuggled into Spike’s arms as they danced, relaxing for a brief moment. She’d been on guard all day, with all the things that could go wrong. There was no attack, there was no demon riot, and aside from Graham, no military people had showed up.

Paired up Scoobies danced around them, even Molly had managed to get Connor on the dance floor, leaving Nate to watch Drusilla for a while. Everyone had seemed to find someone, except for Nate, which Buffy still felt bad about, but not bad enough to do anything about it.

It had taken a while, but really, Buffy thought, this time around was a hell of a lot better.



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